Dear Poker Players

Dear Poker Players of the World,
I thought I'd write to you all to ask a little favour. It's not huge or anything, and the effect it will have on each of you may well be quite small, so there is absolutely no reason for you to say no. All I wanna ask is for you all to let me win, every time...
Why should you do that??
Well just think, if you all let me win, I shall be very rich indeed, so rich in fact that I'll be able to do anything I want, and if I'm that rich I'll be able to buy every single one of you a big pressie (I won't as I'll probably be too busy drinking cocktails on a beach, but the thought is there...)
I'll be so rich that I may take over a country or two, and I might be able to lower your taxes, so in the long run you'll all be much better off (I have devised an ingenious tax system where all proven online poker players will have a tax cut of 1%, and everyone else will pay an extra 45% - a little more money for you, loads for me, we're all winners!!)
With all this money I will have, I promise I'll visit each and every one of you and personally thank each and every one of you!! (by throwing a few "thankyou" leaflets out of the private jet as I fly over on the way to a couple of weeks in Tahiti)
I also promise that any poker players who send me a begging letter will have each and every letter dealt with by myself - I have always loved making bonfires, and being rich won't change that at all.

So when I sit down at your table (it will soon be my table as I'll own it) just lose all your money to me, and we can get this thing started. Anyone out there who disagrees, please look at the bigger picture. A short term loss will be better for everyone, and my god, how I hate the "me, me, me" attitude that some people have...

So thankyou all,
It is very much appreciated...

Nick

ps When you see my Ferrari coming down the road, please move out of the way, I won't have time for the little people to hold me up....

Green and Pleasant Land

In this time of faltering economies, austerity, budget cuts and shrinking chocolate bars (most scandalous of all - especially when it comes to Twix's) , it is time that someone stood up and made a difference....

No more will the British economy struggle against the overwhelming tide of fiscal difficulties...
No more will the National debt rise by the price of a car every 3 seconds...
No more will Tesco value cookies be served with tea at UK Cabinet meetings...

I have decided to stop the tide, and bring money into this country, and take it from the evil marauding foreigners!!! (actually in my experience foreigners are not evil or marauding, they are actually quite cool, especially the female Eastern European ones with the blonde hair and the big boobies,  and those nations who spend half the summer having a massive tomato fight, and the other half having a siesta).

So how I will do this???
At poker!
Australians..!  You can come over here and try and take our Ashes away, you'll fail again, and we'll take you apart at Rugby on your own turf and I am gonna beat you at the felt and make your summer even worse!!
Russians..! You may own our football clubs, and have big yachts, but you'll be all at sea (see what I did there?) after you play me at poker!!
Italians..! You might all have suntans, and look cool in sunglasses, and have accents that beat anything on these shores (especially Birmingham - jeez), but sit down at a poker table, and you're nothing I tell you!
Thais..! Your curries are lovely, if an odd colour sometimes, and some of your ladies are lovely (though I can't understand the big hands and the 5 o'clock shadow??) but at poker it's over..!!
Isle Of Wightians..! You may be only a ferry ride away, but we all know about your evil plan to take over the world using different coloured sand, so I'm coming for you!!

So this is it. A single handed push to make Britain Great again.

Profit so far... $76.97. It's a start!!

A thousand days

I guess I've been away from poker blogging for around 3/4 years, and for someone who has had more than one poker blog, and who posted so much, that is a long time. The title of this post is "A thousand days", because even though it's probably been longer than that since I've blogged, it sounds good, and it's my blog!

So, poker and me? What have I been doing?

Well for a start I now have a proper job for the first time in over ten years - back in banking, so my free time is a lot more limited than it used to be. Being a banker has led to a reduction in my poker playing, and to be fair I've had weeks and weeks where I hadn't even thought about it, let alone play it (and when you read "being a banker" if you immediately thought of a rhyming word beginning with W, you know what you can go and do...!).

I used to be a decent sit and go player, but I haven't played one of those for a long, long time - so my poker was solely the odd MTT (officially 119,715th in the world right now!!), but now I am having a proper crack at the cash game. I've had semi serious cracks  at it before, but my cash game suffered a lot, due to pulling the trigger a bit too early sometimes - a throwback to the sit n go games where top pair top kicker were absolutely GOLD (always believe in your soul, you've got the power to know, your indestructible.... Always believe in....)

But I think I got the hang of it now - kinda and I'm doing OK.

So here is hoping to a long and sustained career of cash play, a long and sustained career of blogging again, and a long and sustained career of coming up against the absolutely shittest opponents I can find, as that will make it really easy for me. Some people want to play the best.... Bollocks to that, I want to find the worst...

So this blog.. What will be on it? A bit of strategy, a lot of piss taking about some of my opponents, a bit of non poker chat, a lot of piss taking about myself, and hopefully (cue the Hollywood music) a tale of a young man who has taken up a journey to become the best that he can be in a volatile world...
OK, a middle aged bloke wanting to make a quid or two doing something he loves.

So, me... I live in a house surrounded by females - every man's fantasy! A little bit like Hugh Hefner actually, although instead of bunny girls I have a wife and two girls (one 9 going on 15, one 6 who is officially a lunatic). I drive a Suzuki Liana (don't google it, you'll waste 3 seconds of your life), I have less hair than I did, but still get mistaken for Brad Pitt daily - I wear lots of blue, love Chicken and Mushroom soup, and once came second in a fancy dress contest dressed as a bumble bee (and yes I still hate the kid in the great Honey Monster outfit who won - lucky bastard!).


Here's a quick taste of some of the shit I will have to put up with....