Dear Poker Players

Dear Poker Players of the World,
I thought I'd write to you all to ask a little favour. It's not huge or anything, and the effect it will have on each of you may well be quite small, so there is absolutely no reason for you to say no. All I wanna ask is for you all to let me win, every time...
Why should you do that??
Well just think, if you all let me win, I shall be very rich indeed, so rich in fact that I'll be able to do anything I want, and if I'm that rich I'll be able to buy every single one of you a big pressie (I won't as I'll probably be too busy drinking cocktails on a beach, but the thought is there...)
I'll be so rich that I may take over a country or two, and I might be able to lower your taxes, so in the long run you'll all be much better off (I have devised an ingenious tax system where all proven online poker players will have a tax cut of 1%, and everyone else will pay an extra 45% - a little more money for you, loads for me, we're all winners!!)
With all this money I will have, I promise I'll visit each and every one of you and personally thank each and every one of you!! (by throwing a few "thankyou" leaflets out of the private jet as I fly over on the way to a couple of weeks in Tahiti)
I also promise that any poker players who send me a begging letter will have each and every letter dealt with by myself - I have always loved making bonfires, and being rich won't change that at all.

So when I sit down at your table (it will soon be my table as I'll own it) just lose all your money to me, and we can get this thing started. Anyone out there who disagrees, please look at the bigger picture. A short term loss will be better for everyone, and my god, how I hate the "me, me, me" attitude that some people have...

So thankyou all,
It is very much appreciated...

Nick

ps When you see my Ferrari coming down the road, please move out of the way, I won't have time for the little people to hold me up....